Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
