i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
