Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
