Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
