Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
