She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
