his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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