i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
