white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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