I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
