Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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