barbara walters just said penis...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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