I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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