my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
