I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You're a waste of cheezeits
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
