Bisexual people are plain selfish.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
