you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize