hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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