can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
