$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
