we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I want to be your penis for a week.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
