Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize