I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
