I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
