Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
