Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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