Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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