she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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