Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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