Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
