The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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