I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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