I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My vagina is officially offended.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
