they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
