You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
