the condom got lost in my hair
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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