I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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