I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
