im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
