theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
