you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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