I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
