Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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