I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
