girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
