my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
