Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
