she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
