glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
