I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
