i may or may not be watching the land before time
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
