you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
