I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
