I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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