i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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