One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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