You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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