You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
