he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize