Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
