I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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