We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
