my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
