no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dignity is for republicans.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
