K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
