You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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