Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
