She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize