Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
