just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
