Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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