Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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